Financial Friday

Balancing Love and Money

Welcome to the February edition of Financial Friday, Oklahoma Money Matters' online personal finance Q&A. This year, while dining out with your valentine, take a moment to discuss your financial goals. Nothing adds stress to a relationship like misaligned money habits.

My significant other and I have been discussing marriage lately. I’m in love, but I’m not as disciplined as they are when it comes to money. Please advise us on how to get on the same page financially.

Finding someone that you want to spend your life with is a wonderful feeling. However, the excitement that comes with planning your future can cause you to overlook key lifestyle differences, especially when it comes to how each of you approaches money. OKMM understands this challenge and is here to help. Explore these financial literacy conversation starters to help you connect with your partner.

1. Financial Transparency

Share all financial information openly — income, debts, credit scores, spending habits, even financial anxieties.

Why sharing financial information matters: Secrecy around money is one of the top predictors of relationship conflict.

What this looks like:

Review credit reports together annually.
Disclose things like student loan debt, medical expenses, or past financial challenges from the start.
Be upfront about your purchases, even “small” ones that add up.

2. Set Shared Goals

Create a vision for the future together.

This builds unity and reduces the “mine vs. yours” mindset.

Shared goals can include:

Buying a home
Building an emergency fund
Saving for a wedding or children
Retirement planning
Paying off debt as a team

Make it fun:

Create a “goals board” or celebrate milestones with a date night or small reward.

3. Budget Together

A budget shouldn’t feel restrictive — it’s a roadmap you build as a team.

Key components:

Shared expenses such as rent/mortgage, groceries, utilities, transportation
Joint savings for a house, travel or emergencies
Individual fun money — no judgment space!

Helpful practice:

Schedule a monthly “financial date night” to update the budget over coffee or dinner.

4. Define Roles

Avoid confusion and duplicated work by clearly dividing responsibilities based on strengths — not gender, pressure or assumptions.

Examples:

One partner manages paying bills and tracking due dates.
One manages long-term investments or retirement accounts.
Another reviews and tracks monthly expenses.

Rotate responsibilities annually if things feel lopsided or if someone wants to learn new skills.

5. Establish Spending Limits

Set an agreed-upon threshold for purchases with your partner. This prevents financial surprises or resentment.

Examples:

“Any purchase over $100 should be a conversation first.”
“Subscriptions must be discussed before adding new ones.” This may include video or music streaming, gaming platforms, meal kits, Amazon Prime, etc.

Tip: Frame it as courtesy and teamwork — not permission.

6. Handle Differences in Money Mindsets

It’s common for couples to have different spending personalities, such as saver vs. spender, planner vs. improviser, risk-taker vs. security-seeker. These differences don’t automatically mean incompatibility.

Healthy approaches to address these differences:

Name your money style and talk about where it comes from, including childhood influences, past struggles, or trauma.
Create shared agreements that respect both styles, such as:
- automatic saving to support the person who feels safest when money is set aside
- guilt-free spending allotments to support the person who feels happiest with freedom and flexibility